The problem was that I just didn’t think.
I knew you were angry. I heard you screaming. I watched you die. But the problem was I just didn’t think.
I would like to consider myself a very caring, genuine and inclusive person. To know me is to know that there is very little bullshit. And to love me means that that I am there for you.
I spent my childhood in Italy where there are very few black people, even fewer amongst a community of ex-pats living in a small town attending an “American School.” As a teenager, moving back to the United States, I went to a predominately white, catholic high school, I then went on to a predominately white liberal arts college.
I know Black people. They are amazing people. I would like to consider myself friends with them, or at the least very friendly acquaintances. But yet, when I walked into the cafeteria for lunch every day and they were all sitting together, I just didn’t think of it. I didn’t think “why?” The problem was I just didn’t think.
As I moved into adulthood, in a predominately white area of Washington, DC, the Black people in my life disappeared. Sure there are some Black women that I have a work relationship with but those relationships rarely go beyond coffee, or a photo shoot or a wedding day. And I thought nothing of it.
Over the last week, my reality has completely shifted. I have been forced to think. I have been forced to come to terms with the fact that an entire population of people that I thought I cared for, have been completely ignored. People that are exactly like me, have been treated like actual dirt. Women that are working in my field, that I have something to learn from, have never been on my feed or a source of inspiration to me. I just didn’t think of them. Not hourly, not daily, not even yearly.
So, my commitment moving forward is to think. Think about Black people, think about where they are in my life, think about what they have been going through and are going through, think about how I can help them, think about how I can lift their voices and work with them and learn from them. To think. And then do.
The problem IS. I just didn’t think...
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Oyoma: https://www.instagram.com/_oyoma/
Dee Dwyer: https://www.instagram.com/deedwyerjonts/