What To Do For Your Friend That Just Became a Mom
I have been wanting to write this post for about a year as an ode to my friends that aren’t moms. I remember when my best friend had her daughter, we were all so excited! We brought gifts and hung around the house to hold her every chance we got and had girls nights on her couch when we could to drink some wine and watch the bachelor. But it wasn’t until I had Cannon that I realized that we weren’t really helping her much at all, and while the gifts and wine was nice, it wasn’t what she needed to get through the day.
When Haddie was born, I thought that maybe I would feel differently about this idea. Like maybe, I don’t need the same things the second time around that I needed the first, but I am going to argue that I have needed them more. The second time you definitely don’t need any more gifts, your house is already full of stuff. You don’t need people constantly around, you’ve already got two humans constantly around. And while yes you might need a lot of wine, you’re often too tired to even think about more than a glass.
So, what are the things that I needed most from my people when I became a mom?
YOU CAN DO IT! This is so crucial. Telling a mom how amazing they are and what a great job they are doing is can be so day changing. Being a mom can make you feel like you are on top of the world and then totally hysterical within an hour, so having someone just remind you that you are killing it can be so amazing!
Keep Inviting Me! Having a girls night? Going to a concert? Just invite me! I probably can’t go because of dinner, bath, bed, dinner #2, crying, teething, fevers and just general snuggle time, but you inviting me means more than you know.
And if we do make plans… Please know that I want to be there even if I have to reschedule or cancel! Things can often change in a matter of a minute when you have an infant. It might change with them or it might change within me - emotionally, mentally, physically, who knows! So just be understanding if my big night out turns into a glass of wine in my tub so that I can just disconnect.
Speaking of disconnecting, the most amazing thing is when friends offer to take my children… I might not always say yes, but offering to take my kids for a walk around the block or to the park, even for 30 minutes can be so helpful.
When we do get a chance to talk, please talk to me about something that isn’t my children! Let’s talk about that cute coat you bought, or how your boss sucks, or our the amazing date you just went on. Sure I’d like to bitch about my kids but sometimes I just would also not like to think about them for 5 minutes.
Hopefully, I can remember these for my friends that have kids too! And remember how I felt so that we can have some wine and talk about the weather.